September 11, 2008

We made it through today Bully, thanks for the strength you afforded us.  We had some great laughs telling stories about you and all our great experiences together.  I am going to miss you as will all of your friends, but at the same time be buoyed by the memories that you have left with each of us.  I look forward to seeing you one day again and trust that you will have things ready for me when I arrive.

My Last Bullytin

My name is Craig Stairs, and like all of you I have had the honour of having Mel in my life.  I knew Mel first as a golfer, second as a neighbour and finally as a best friend.  He was a mentor, a kind soul, a sharp wit and the owner of one of the best lives I have ever seen lived.  His race may have been cut short by half but the way I see it he has lapped each of us at least twice.

Contrary to what I first thought, the actual writing of these words about Mel was one of the easiest things I have ever done.  The stories, good times and wonderful memories of him drifted easily onto the paper from my heart, which is where he has always been. 

Over the last few days I have been inundated with letters, emails, cards and conversations from people who wanted to share their many experiences with me about Mel, and it is a testament to the countless lives he touched while he was here with us.

Mel was successful.....In business, in school, in all sports, as a dad, as a brother, as a husband and as a friend.  He went through the normal courses of life like most of us have; he just did them that much better.

A lot of the stories I have today about Mel are related to golf but rarely do they speak to his game but rather to his person. You have to understand that his life and his golf held a lot of valuable similarities with one another; the things that made him a success on the course were a mirror to his successes off.

Mel was a winner…. There are people who succeed based purely on talent and there are those who succeed based solely on hard work, Mel was one of the few people that I knew who could get it done either way. 

On days he was on, talent was always enough; on days he was off he could grind his way to a winning result via hard work.  I’ve seen Mel shoot a lot of 80’s that on the card never added up to more than 71 or 72. He could always find a way to get it done.

People would often tease Mel about his lack of a “real job”, he didn’t mind, he knew different as did his close friends.  The flexibility afforded him in his working life was earned not gifted.  He worked hard, just not 9-5.

What most people didn’t realize is how well prepared Mel was, for everything.

Tony Mackinnon told me a simple story that lends itself to this.  

Mel and Tony were playing in the last group at the Hampton Invitational.  Tony had shown up in shorts and a golf shirt as the weather when he left Fredericton was 20 degrees and sunny.  Mel on the other hand shows up with pants, a sweater and some rain gear packed neatly in a bag.  As they were getting ready to tee off sure enough the skies cloud over and it begins to rain.  Ellie was caddying for Mel that day as she often did and Tony quipped to her that “Mel always guesses the weather right”, she replied "don't kid yourself Tony, he's not that lucky, he prepares for these things a lot harder than anyone would ever know".  That stuck with me....how one can make life look so easy by simply being prepared.  That's typical Mel....He made it look easy but he did the work.  It was a life lesson for sure....and if nothing else I always checked to see what Mel was wearing before the round started....just to be safe! 

Mel was sharp the type of guy who could cheer on your good shots and needle you about your bad shots with an amazing equality of sincerity.  He loved the game of golf, loved the people who were excelling at it and also the ones who wanted to excel at it.

I’ve seen him tell some hopeless swingers to try switching from left-handed to right or to give up the game all together (tongue firmly in cheek).  Someone once asked him how to hit it further off the tee, he looked the guy straight in the eye and said after you hit your drive run backwards 20 yards.

He spent an entire summer travelling the Maritimes with Mike Rowan and the Titleist Tent, Demoing equipment and teaching aspiring players how to better play the game.  As his friends we all asked the same question “Why”.  To Mel the answer was simple, he loved the people who played golf and who shared his passion.  He got a great sense of accomplishment out of helping people improve.  

Mel had time for everybody, on the course and off; he did not choose his playing partners based on ability, Freddy Rowan and Phil Jensen are perfect examples of that.  As long as you were ready to hit the ball when it was your turn, you could play with Mel.

Mel did dislike two things about the game though, slow play and looking for balls.  In the 20 years we have played together I have lost well over 1500 balls, in that time he never helped me look for a ball once. 

From a pace of play standpoint Mel played fast, and he expected you to play fast as well.  Mel and I once played through the same group twice, first on the sixth hole and then again 11 holes later while playing our second 18 at Riverbend.  On another occasion we played through a group with out even knowing it, as we were putting the pin back in after putting out we looked back down the fairway to see a threesome standing with their hands on their hips, as it turned out they had gone unnoticed to us as we played the hole, they had been down over the bank mid fairway looking for a ball.  Mel loved that story 

I grew up at the Fredericton Golf Club and inevitably for years I would ‘get stuck’ behind a certain noon hour foursome (who today have become good friends to me as they were to Mel), it wasn’t until I started to play with Mel that I would get waved through, I remember the first time it happened I nearly fell out of the cart, I relayed to Mel how surprised I was that we were getting “the wave”.  “It’s the sign” he would say, “what sign” i asked.  “The one on the front of my cart that says get the heck out of my way” we laughed the rest of the day. 

In the end it wasn’t the imaginary sign, but the respect that Mel received from his fellow golfers that resulted in us getting waved through, respect that he had earned over the years from being the person he was. 

He loved technology, anything to get the edge on the golf course, in the past 10 years he’d have you believe that he gained 15 yards with each new driver.  In the 20 years I have been playing with him I’ve never seen him hit it longer than 260 or shorter than 250, go figure I would tell him.   He would say “Ya, but Shake, My body is 20 years older and I’m still hitting it like I was 20 years ago, he figured the technology was allowing him to at least break even.

Mel had humour, always. 

He loved to tease and play tricks, not the jump out of the cake kind of tricks, but the subtle ones that would leave you wondering “who the heck did that”. 

It did not matter who you were or how well Mel knew you, to him you were fair game, especially if the opportunity was good enough, Mel would make fun of the Queen if he could get in the same room with her.  Here are a few of my favourite stories of Mel, both before and after he became sick.

We were playing in the Fall Freeze up in St Andrews and had been paired with a twosome from Saint John, as we’re playing the first hole one of our opponents is talking about the course, and the town, and the water, and the views etc. Etc. Etc., by the time we get to the second tee we have a bit of a wait and he starts again, talking about how beautiful it is there and how much he enjoys the area and his summer home and the people and so on.  I’m starting to think to myself “Holy Crap, enough already”  no sooner does that thought run through my head and I hear Mel say on the way to sticking his tee in the ground to hit his drive “Ya, its like Chipman with water”  you could hear a pin drop, whack, Mel knocks it 260 down the middle and hops back in the cart.

I remember on one golf trip with Mel, me and Bob Hatheway had gotten in late after spending a night out with or Florida friend, Mike Besner.  As usual Mel had stayed home after supper, watched TV and got a good night’s rest.  At 530 in the morning, about 40 minutes after Bob and I had got home I could hear this awful noise, it was like nothing I had ever heard before, clangidy clang clunk clunk, clangidy clang clunk clunk.  I’m laying in bed just tipsy enough that I am trying to convince myself to sleep through it and get an hours rest before our 7am teetime.  After about 10 minutes I can’t take it anymore I get up and open the bedroom door and there is Mel and Phil Jensen standing around the dryer laughing, one of them had put a couple of large metal golf ball repair mark tools in the empty dryer and turned it on. I was up for the day.

At one of my first Estabrooks Cups, Mel and I had been paired together against a team from the south in the alternate shot portion of the event.  Mel had just made a great putt on the 17^th hole to get the very tough match back to all square with our opponents.  It was my turn to tee off on the 18^th hole which was a tight par 5, “should I hit driver” I asked Mel  “Hit what got you here” he said.  I proceeded to pull out my driver and hit a big drive at least 30 yards in the trees.  After looking for about 4 minutes “in woods so thick that a brear rabbit couldn’t get through” as Mel would so eloquently put it, we found the ball, now it was Mels turn to hit.  Somehow he manages to hit this lob shot out of the trees and back to the other side of the fairway just in the rough, he always said if “he had a swing, he had a shot”.  “Great shot” I said.  I get to the ball look at the lie and look at the green, we had about 240 yards in, I say to Mel “the lies not great, but I think I can get this home”.  “go for it” he would say unconvincingly “just hit it somewhere where I don’t need an orange vest for my next one”.  I proceed to go through my routine, set the club behind the ball, look at the target and imagine my shot, in my mind it’s going to fly to the green, I take a rip at it and knock it about 20 feet further up the rough.  All Mel says is “Mehhh don’t need an orange vest for that one”, in all likelihood we have just lost the match and he says “no orange vest”.  We did go on to lose, after we shook hands Mel looks at me and says “thanks Shake, I enjoyed that” and he meant it.

Mel’s illness changed him in only one way, the cancer was strong enough to affect his appearance, but when it came to Mel, he was Mel to the end, here are a couple of my favourite post sickness stories.

One of the side effects of Mel’s treatments was the loss of his voice, outside of not being able to eat real food; I think this bothered him the most.  During golf Mel would always be trying to stick the needle in, but of the 4000 times he tried the first summer back I probably only heard about 20 of them and those I would pretend I didn’t hear it bothered him a lot.  One day I was getting ready to hit my shot into the green, I rolled the sod over it and chunked it just on the front.......the next thing I hear is boooooop “Nice on chopper”.  I jumped about 6 feet in the air, here was Mel across the fairway with a bullhorn, as I turned to look at him he says “can you hear me now”.

A lot of Mel’s treatments took place at the VG in Halifax , one of the side effects of Mels radiation was a paralysis to his tear duct and eyelid that caused his eye to continuously drip, the fix was a few stitches placed during a routine procedure.   As it turned out the doctors allowed two of the interns (Island witch doctors Mel called them because they were both from PEI ) to do the procedure.  After it was over the interns were being commended by their doctor at what a good job they had done as they passed the mirror to Mel for his approval, he looked in to it and says “I could have got better work done at the cobblers bench”.  I honestly don’t know how he got people to do anything for him down there.

He had nicknames for people and labelled a few of us with less than complimentary ones.  Mel shared a lot of his golf successes on the national scene with friends like Danny Coloumbe, a person he would often times affectionately refer to as the Human Rain Delay, he had a way of teasing you that got his point across but was never hurtful.  There was also the imfamous “dark cloud” a reference to another good friend, Gerry Lingley, who Mel joked he shared an epic battle with over weather patterns and luck.   Oddly, being teased by Mel was often times his best compliment.

He enjoyed causing innocent havoc too. To him the more he could throw your way the better.  He loved to leave his mark on your day. 

Darren Ritchie tells this story.

He would call my house and when the phone rings the kids go running to answer it. I would hear them talking to someone and the next thing you know is they are telling me that i am wanted on the phone. I pick it up and he is laughing on the other end. I am trying to figure out why he is laughing and i soon find out why, as my kids are back from the kitchen each holding an ice cream sandwich. “The bully said we could have one.”

That was so Mel

He was devoted, to everyone and everything he took an interest in, especially Ellie.  If there is one thing I can truly say I appreciated and admired about Mel more than the rest it was his love for her. 

Most of us come from similar moulds and Mel was no exception.  However at certain times in our lives we may not be as properly oriented as we should be, often we may find a way to justify staying out for one more beer or 9 more holes regardless of our previous commitments. 

That was never the case with Mel, Ellie and his family always came first, it could be something as simple as a planned visit with Lee and the grand kids or a 6pm dinner with Ellie, if it was time to go, it was time to go.  I loved this about him. 

Mel gave the toast to my wife Melissa (who he always referred to as Mel #2) at our wedding; his advice to us that night was “don’t ask what you can do for yourself, but rather what you can do for each other”.  Mel lived this with Ellie every day.

He had a quick wit, In speaking with Ernie Mackinnon about Mel, he would relay a story about one of their golf trips to Ireland that speaks volumes. Here is how Ernie remembers it.

“We were travelling through Ireland in 1999 on our way from Ross's Point to Portrush. Mel was driving and I was navigating. I had worked on him for several days to get him to agree to take a short side trip to visit the former home of my great Grandfather so I could see where he had grown up.  Knowing Mel’s dislike for detours and Irish scenery I was surprised and pleased he had actually agreed.

As we approached Londonderry , where we would take the planned detour to my family’s former home I got confused in my navigation and we missed the exit off of the busy highway. I urged Mel to turn at the next opportunity as I was anxious to see my great grandfather’s place. Mel looked over at me and said in his deadpan voice “Buy the Postcard". 

He had the unique ability to combine kindness and devil may care in the same sentence.

He was “The Bully” in hindsight this moniker may have been wickedly unfair, sure he won more than his fair share of side bets, and has had the odd pay check endorsed over to him, but at the end of the day he was as interested in seeing you do well as he was in seeing himself do well, what he really loved was the competition.  He wanted you at your absolute best.

Mel would help you with any part of your life, golf or otherwise, until the cows came home, as long as he could see you putting in the effort.  He truly wanted to see you succeed.  As he so often put it “you have two arms and two legs, play better”.

Its all in how you handle it.

Andy Mabie related a story to me about Mels general outlook and how it has helped him, he would say...

Mel and I shared a very strong personal philosophy on one particular golf matter. Neither of us could understand giving another player shots to even the game.  Mel would say, "Andy, you know I am sure this guy is better than me at many things, just not golf, play straight up or don't play”!

So, five or six years back I had not been feeling well, as a result I had gone in for some tests, being the friend he was Mel had called me shortly after to ask how things had gone.  As it turned out the tests were OK for the most part but there were a few problems and I was feeling slightly down about the situation.

At the time Mel said,” well, Marb, what can you do, I mean it is coming to all of us sooner or later, it is all in how you handle it” Mel ended the conversation by asking me..."when are you coming home"? I said, I will be home in a couple weeks, and he stated the strongest words he had ever said to me. "Understand this, I am not giving you shots" Which to me meant pick yourself up my friend; it is all in how you handle it.

Oddly enough Andy would go on to explain, when I went to Fredericton to have my last visit with Mel we played what would be our last game of golf together. This time it was Mel who was feeling terrible and battling his own illness but he was still determined to play. When I got into the golf cart with him on the first hole, I looked at him and jokingly asked,” Do you want shots"? 

He didn't have to answer with words the look he gave me was enough,...we would play straight up that day, as we always did and in the end the match was pretty much dead even.  As I think back on the day one thing stands out about it and about Mel, “it is all in how you handle it”

To me the fact that Mel handled his lot in life over the past few years the way he did certainly made things a lot easier on the rest of us.  I never felt the need to pity or feel sorry for him.  His courage and manner in dealing with his situation were infectious; never once did I feel obligated to adjust the way I treated him because of his illness.

Our flow and exchanges on the golf course and off remained as spiteful and barb filled as ever, that was the way he wanted it, and truthfully just the way it was.  This held through until our last day together, the day we played our last round of golf, it was one of the most difficult things I have ever endured, and I am sure that Chris Billings and Andy would agree that without Mel’s courage that day we would not have made it.  I still look back and marvel at how something as simple as 18 holes of golf can offer up so much inspiration.

You could count on him, both on and off the course and that was a wonderful feeling.  In 2004 Mel was competing with Team NB at the Canadian Mid Amateur competition.  On the last hole Mel had a 15 foot putt, the other team members had begun to surround the green and a crowd was building, he asked out loud do we need this putt, team captain Slim Gillis replied I don’t think so hoping to take some pressure off of Mel, but Bob Brown, (not knowing for sure) chimed in “yes we do, make it.”  As it turns out they did need it and of course Mel made it to help his team eek out a 1 stroke victory and garner New Brunswick its first national Mid-Am title, he would later refer to it as the biggest putt of his career.

As it were, Mel made a lot of big putts on his way to countless NB amateur and Mid Amateur titles, one Canadian title, two Canadian runner up titles and 6 NB player of the year rings to name a few.  He is without a doubt the most successful Male golfer in NB Golf history.

Paul Batchelor tells a great story about Mel and his ability to get it done, he explains.

We were playing in the NB Mid AM at Arroostock Valley  in the final round and he, Ernie MacKinnon and I were on the range preparing to do battle. The winds were up to about 40KMH and the rain was coming sideways.  I said to Mel, "This is going to be a tough day" and to that he replied, "Yea Batch, par is 80 out here today".

Guess what, I shoot 80 and Mel goes on to shoot 69 on his way to winning the event going away!!

But to Mel his real successes came in things outside of golf.  He and I talked about everything under the sun in the last few years; nothing brought more life to his eyes than talking about his family, especially his grand kids.  Abigail for her sweetness, smarts and precious looks and Jake because frankly I think he reminded Mel of himself, the worse the story was about Jake the more Mel enjoyed telling it. 

He was proud, proud of his family, especially Lee.  Lee, Andrea and the grand kids made a huge impression on Mel in the last little while. During our golf trips and days on the cart the stories would inevitably turn back to one of them at some point.

Mel had a deep admiration and love for his dad also, which I always admired and aspired to, he was extremely proud of all of his father’s shared successes.  I can remember watching closely quite a few years back when they were in the midst of selling their business, I can’t count the number of times that Ike’s big car would be parked behind the 18^th green waiting for Mel so they could have a quick chat and solve whatever issue it was that had come up. 

Mel adored his mom, for the first time since she passed away in 2000 I think I can truly relate to the sadness he was feeling during that period in his life.  It was very difficult for Mel, and one of the first times I actually saw his vulnerability and realized just what a soft soul lay inside of him.

He was a Mentor In 2005 Mel qualified for the Willingdon Cup Team, but had made a personal decision to give his spot to another player. As he put it, the golf courses at the Canadian Amateurs are not set up for a 50 year old guy of average length, I would just wear out my 3-wood on the par fours if I went.  Mel was competitive and in his mind he felt that the team would be better served to add one of the younger, longer ball strikers.

As JT tells it, as the non-playing captain for the Team, I had asked Mel if he would please reconsider his decision not to attend and join the team to act as a mentor to a very talented but inexperienced New Brunswick squad which consisted of Ron Harvey Jr, Marc Bourgeois and Michel Landry.  JT realized probably more than Mel did at the time that Mel was actually the perfect fit for this particular group of guys, regardless of the length of the course.

Mel reluctantly agreed and with his help, wealth of experience and guidance the young team finished third, one of NB’s best finishes at the Canadian Amateur.  JT would go on to explain that “After our return I sent him a thank-you note telling him how much I appreciated his contribution to the Team and him putting New Brunswick golf ahead of his own interests. “Shortly after I received an email back from him, all it said was: “You are my friend”.

Mel was a Beagle actually he was an original beagle along with friends like Eric Jamieson, Jack Cunningham, Roddy Cochrane and Phil Dixon, a loose group of golfers who played the game as much for the fun and camaraderie as for the golf.  Over the years the group has grown and we spend one weekend each year partaking in all the things we used to do when we were much younger.  Mel loved to have a good time. He always joked that our once a year Beagle Cup was hard on his system, he would say “it takes me two days to recover, and Ellie seven” referring to Ellies lack of enthusiasm at seeing Mel step back to the “good old days”.

I remember on another occasion back in the early nineties I was having a pool party at my house and Mel had meandered over around 1pm, he sat in the shallow end for 5 hours sipping on Boones Strawberry Hill, but true to form at 545 he got out of the pool and started to cover the 50 yards or so through my back yard gate and in to his next door, headed home to have supper with Ellie.  About 45 minutes later the phone rang and it was Ellie on the other end “have you seen Mel”  “Yeah” I said, “he left about 45 minutes ago I watched him walk through the back gate” I could hear the blinds in Ellies kitchen window opening up over the phone as she looked out her back window “never mind” she said “I think I found him.

He was a friend Whether it was taking someone like Tony Currie under his wing as a fresh faced army brat new to the town of Oromocto or helping Alan Howie transition between head pro jobs, he was always there, loyal, sensitive and helpful.

Mike Rowan told me a funny story about Mel.  He and Mel had become quite close over the years and although Mel was battling through cancer at the time, Mike had hoped that Mel would be well enough to be a part of his wedding party.  As it turned out the timing was off a bit and Mel was not well enough to make it.  Eleanor relayed to Mike that she had caught Mel the morning of the ceremony wilfully trying on his suit, hoping beyond hope that he would be able to attend. As it were, Mike spent some time with Mel that day, even though he could not make the wedding Mike wanted Mel to know how much he appreciated his friendship and that he was going to miss not having him there.

Mike would go on to say, the day after my wedding I was checking my voice mails and there was a message on there from Mel, he had left it about 10 minutes before I was going to be walking down the aisle, it simply said that he wished he could be there with me and Suzanne, but if I wanted to back out of the nuptials he felt well enough to come get me.  That was Mel.

Mel was a gentleman for most of us when we compete we want to win, and perhaps are not as gracious as we should be in our losses.  Mel as a friend and a competitor had a kindness in him that was genuine win or lose; you knew that he truly wanted you to do well, even if it meant that he may not.  He was always at peace with himself, his golf and doing his best, if someone got hot and beat him he would shake their hand with an indescribable sincerity and go about life.

In 1991 I struggled through a serious illness of my own, and at that time Mel was my neighbour and soon to become my close friend.  As I began my recuperation that summer Mel and I found that we had two things in common, we both loved golf and we both had a lot of time on our hands.  We spent most of that year and a lot of the next playing together daily; he took an interest in me and spent time teaching me things about the game and more importantly about life, as a result he had made me a better player and a much better person.

We had both entered the New Brunswick Amateur in Aroostock in the summer of 1992, I had played well over my head for a few days and found myself in the last group on the last day with a real opportunity to win, oddly enough Mel was playing only two groups in front of me a mere 3 shots back, he had spent the week cheering me on, giving me tips, advice and encouragement all the while going about his own business. 

Even during the last round he went out of his way on more than one occasion to cross the fairway to talk with me and help me through what was amounting to one of the most difficult rounds of my life.  When all was said and done I had faltered and finished out of the running, but not surprisingly Mel had come from behind to claim his first NB Amateur title.  After the round I was feeling particularly bad about my day and having not performed well.  In the midst of all the congratulatory handshakes Mel was receiving he went out of his way to come over to me and say there was only one person I wanted to see win this more than myself and that was you.  And as unbelievable as it sounded I knew he meant it.

I know that I have taken more time than Mel would have wanted, if he had had it his way this service would have been at 7am and lasted for 10 minutes. I will close by saying that today I am a better person because of Mel, as are all of you. From him I take valuable life lessons and the sincere knowledge that his time here was nothing short of spectacular, full of limitless happiness, great successes and lifelong friendships.

 I look forward to the day that the sadness leaves me and I am left only with the happy remembrances of my good friend.

September 8, 2008

JANUARY 20TH
Well I got to see the Bully today for the first time since just before Christmas, and compared to my last visit, he looked wonderful.  Instead of looking like he had just been hit by the proverbial ‘Mack Truck’, it looks more like he had been in a golf cart  head on with Irma Burley.

I can tell by talking with him that in his own mind he feels like he is spinning his wheels, but wow what a huge difference in his appearance.  I think it is hard for him to measure just how far he has come as he has been dealing with this battle on a daily basis for weeks and progress must seem agonizingly slow, but for me, not having seen him in almost a month, the change was phenomenal.

We sat and talked like we always do about the usual stuff, friends and family and all the little things.  He had some funny stories to tell me about how things have been since he has been home; I think he misses his nurse’s button.  He mentioned that when he was at the VG and something came up he rolled over and pressed the button and 15 seconds later someone would pop their head in the room and ask him what he needed.  That’s one comfort that home does not afford, now when something pops up him and Ellie deal with it the best way they know how, and when that doesn’t work he sneaks up to the DECH for assistance, which in his words is “painful.”

He’s had a few issues with some of the equipment he lugged back from the VG, most of it self inflicted and fully expected from someone with Mel’s extraordinary level of patience.  (If you’ve ever noticed he never looks for lost balls, yours or his, unless they’re in the rough and he can do it without getting off the cart.  So when it comes to hospital riggin that is not working the way he thinks it should its all down hill.)

His voice is 100 percent better, but certainly a long way from normal, but he can converse again,  (there goes the lovely silence out the window.)  His throat is starting to feel a little better too, although it’s going to be a while yet before he can actually swallow again.  Most of the radiation burn on the outside of his neck and shoulder has healed, now we just have to get the inside mended up.  He looked like he was up a few more pounds also, but its hard to tell, he’s built like a runway model now and he was hiding under a comfy blanket in his favorite chair.

Ellie was as upbeat as ever, which is my real key to how things are going.  Can’t say enough about her.  She said something really neat to me, she was remarking on how some days are good and some are bad, she said “gotta have the bad days, they make the good days seem all that much better” ( Talk about the proverbial glass half full, way to go!)

I can tell that Mel is tired, and not just sleepy tired, but playing behind a really slow group in the hot sun tired.  His humour is wearing out, who's wouldn't, no offence but he's had 8 weeks of playing behind George and Rudy 24-7 and he needs a break.  At least in real life those two will wave him through.  I give him so much credit for remaining so upbeat and seemingly unaffected when I know in my heart that he just wants to feel better and get back to a regular life.  The problem is that it takes so much time and anyone who knows the Bully knows that he gets things done yesterday,  things with him don't take months they take seconds.  So this scenario is particularly cruel in Mel's case.  

Keep up the hard work Bully, we're all rooting for you.

Mel can be reached by email at melgm1@yahoo.com 

January 18th

Just a quick update to let you all know that the Bully is still doing fine.  I'm going to stop in to see him tomorrow afternoon for the first time since he's been home, so I will have a report for you all tomorrow night.  But in talking with him through email I can let you all know that he is doing well, glad to be home and will be even more happy when his recovery is complete, its been a very tough couple of weeks from a physical stand point for him.  I'll have a complete update tomorrow night.

JANUARY 8TH 2006
THE BULLY IS HOME, 
SAFE AND SOUND!!!

January 4

  In Mel's words he's "goona play through a few groups and be home on Tuesday", which is wonderful (and way ahead of schedule).  After a short meeting with his doctors today they gave him the good news.  His treatments to date have been so effective, he will get to skip his last chemo appointment which was set for  Tuesday (lucky for the chemo) and finish up his last radiation treatment on Monday, leaving him scheduled for discharge on Tuesday and a 4 hour drive back home to some semblance of normality.  I would suspect that even sleeping in his own bed will be a nice perk. 

The plan now is for him to return back to Freddy for a period of 4-6 weeks and then head back to the VG for a complete run through to determine how he is making out.  At that time the doctors will decide on how and if to  proceed with surgery, but for now it continues to look better and better by the minute.  I'll leave it at that because I don't want to jinx him ( I once caddied for him on the back nine on the last day of the NB Mid-Amateur championships in Miramichi, when I picked up his clubs in the middle of the 9th fairway he was in the lead by 1, when we walked off the 18th hole he had missed the team by 1 on his way to a back nine 44 or something like that (finished fifth).  Ever since then I have been a little gun shy when it comes to messing with his luck.  Although he was nice enough to tell me at the time not to worry, "I wasn't the one hitting the shots" (there's a few I would have liked to have had a crack at))

Mel still has a few battles to fight through, with the soreness in his neck and throat he will need some considerable recovery time before he will be comfortable swallowing, so steps are being taken to help deal with that issue.  He is going to still be tired and weak for quite a while,  but he is going to be tired and weak at home, amongst his friends and family which will be  a welcome change from the last 6 weeks in Halifax.  I'll go out on a limb and say no visitors for a little while, best bet is to check with Troop 10 Constable Rowan before entertaining that idea.

The last 12 wks have certainly been strange, never had to worry much about the Bully, after all he was the Bully.  So when all of a sudden he's got himself in a situation that warrants worrying, it's an odd place.   Kind of like Clark Kent and Kryptonite, gotta stay away from that Kryptonite Mel.  

Mel is a very lucky person, the concern and caring of so many people has been amazing, but when you think about it if we include ourselves in this great group of friends we know that we could expect the same, and that is a comforting thought.  

Thanks to everyone who took the time to send along their thoughts and prayers, and there were a ton of you, I know that Mel has been truly humbled by the support and would want me to send along his sincerest thanks.   I told him when he headed to Halifax that in a really strange way he would come out of this with a neat little gift, perspective, and it will make the next 50 years of his life a 100 times better than the last 50.  

So in golfing terms, The Bully has just played through George and Rudy (for the 4,561st time) and is sitting at the 100 yard marker on the 18th hole at Fredericton (after busting a drive and smoking a 4 wood) he now has a wedge in his hand and 'patiently' waits for a group of ladies to clear the green.  I'm guessing he'll knock his wedge shot to 10 or 12 feet above the hole, the putt he'll be left with will be a tricky downhill left to righter....and like every other tricky down hill left to right putt he's had, he'll probably make it,....."pick it up Mel, it's good!"

 January 3

Freddy was in Halifax this weekend celebrating New Years with his family and had a chance to stop in to see Mel,  for a little change of pace the Doctors had let Mel head over to Ellie’s Hotel for a few hours on Sunday so Freddy met them both there.  As hospitals go the VG certainly has its perks (great doctors for instance) but lets face it, it’s a fairly drab place.  So a chance for brighter surroundings was probably a welcome bonus.  Mel tried his best to use it to his full advantage but the only thing in his future was sleep.  He managed to stir for a few minutes to sit with Freddy and his Dad Ike for a visit, but he was just way to beat up from the previous weeks treatments and literally exhausted.  So a snooze at the hotel it was.  Freddy was still very happy to see Mel even if it was for only a short time, I’m sure he felt the same sense of relief that I did the previous weekend, there’s just something about seeing him in person that settles the soul. 

After Mel headed off to rest, Freddy stayed to chat with Ike and Ellie for a short time which he commented was equally as nice.  It’s great talking to Ellie he would say “she’s a women on a mission”, referring to her keeping on top of everything that Mel is going through and making sure that he get’s everything he is suppose to when he is suppose to.

Mark next Tuesday the 9^th on your calendar, it’s the day of Mel’s final treatment.  His last radiation treatment is on Monday and ironically his last treatment on Tuesday is Chemo, his fav.  I’m guessing it will be quite a final showdown, him and the chemo, as always, my money is on Mel.

I spoke to the Bully briefly today by email, he was asking about one of our mutual friends and wondering if I had heard from him, his message was short and to the point but I can tell a lot from these emails, I can tell how he is feeling by how many jokes he’s made and how much pain medication he has had by how many spelling mistakes he makes.  Today was a one joke email with only two spelling mistakes, I’m guessing he’s about a 7 out of 10 and feeling a little better than he did on Sunday.

On a technical note I have software installed on my servers that tells me where visitors to Tenputt.com come from, I coded the Bully-tin page to track visitor’s locations and it has been amazing.  There are several visitor cities that are obvious, Fredericton , Saint John , Moncton and Halifax but there are several that were truly eye opening.  Mel has had people go to the Bully-tin page to check on his progress from Bar Harbor, Lewiston, New Hampshire, New York City, Ottawa, Toronto, Vancouver, Victoria, Casselberry, Jacksonville and Miami Florida, Tyler Texas, Woodbridge New Jersey, Norway and the craziest one of them all,  Nigeria.  Yeah he’s a popular guy.  This map is a screen capture from the last 15 visitors tonight to give you an idea. (Each balloon represents a city that has had at least one hit to the Bully-tin page.)

Thanks again for all of the support, Mel can be reached by email at melgm1@yahoo.com

--THE BULLY--
Oddly enough quite a few people have asked me where Mel got the nickname The Bully, I just assumed that everyone new him as the Bully.  Simply, it comes from the fact that his friends liken him to the schoolyard bully who used to steal the lunch money off of all the other poor unsuspecting kids.  In Mel's case its the same thing with the exception that his playground is the golf course and he uses his golf clubs (mostly his wedge and his putter) instead of his fists.  (If anyone requires more clarification please feel free to contact either myself, Rod Black, Darren Ritchie, Scott Mcnabb, Renee Blanchard, Morty Mooers, Glen Kennedy, Chris Billings...........)

Over time this nickname has kind of become his persona, which is amusing, because he is one of the kindest people I know (cats out of the bag bully)   On with today's update.....

DECEMBER 27

I managed to sneak in to the VG to see the Bully over the weekend, and strangely enough I was a little nervous making my way up the elevator to the 5th floor.  I'm not much for hospitals on a good day and when it's one of your closest friends you're going to see it makes it that much worse.  

Knowing everything that Mel has been through in the last 6 weeks I really had no idea what to expect, all I have ever known of Mel was as a healthy, larger than life, vibrant person....a quick wit, a liver of life; so as Melissa and I stepped off the elevator my angst only increased when we checked with the nurse on duty for directions to Mel's room and jokingly asked her if he was driving them all crazy yet, "Mr. Murray" she quipped "he's one of our  best patients"....and in an instant I felt flushed and thought to myself "Holy crap what have they done to Mel". 

She was kind enough to escort us down the hallway (I'm not sure that she does that for all of her patients visitors) and into Mel's room. There he was sitting on the edge of his bed fiddlin with something that did not need fiddlin with, in true Bully fashion probably just trying to pass the time.  He's made a career of it, he's probably the best time passer I know, so in the sense that he's in the hospital with not much to do and probably getting board I do not feel sorry for him, I figure he's better equipped to handle it than any of us. 

Once I actually saw him with my own eyes all of the anxiety I was feeling heading up to the room was gone! Here sat my friend, this skinny little person, in his ass showing hospital gown, fiddlin with something that did not need fiddlin with, surrounded by his computer, a play station, some magazines, chocolates and a Santa hat...his mouth opened and for the next 40 minutes out flew a hodge podge of bullyisms, quips, zingers and questions about our friends and life back home. It became all to clear that the only thing changed about the bully was his weight. (I was telling Berky about my visit with Mel and he commented that you can change someone's appearance but its awful tough to change someone's character, that made perfect sense to me).  Mel and I talked some about his fight against cancer and his treatments but he seemed more interested in how all of his friends were doing, how my daughter was doing, what was happening back in Freddy and of course golf.

Ellie even had time to sneak back over from the Hotel to see us, which was great, sometimes it's easier to tell how things are going by reading Ellie than Mel. Her great smile lit up the room when she came in to sit with the three of us, just one more bit of confirmation that things are skipping along nicely. It has always been Mel and Ellie as long as I've known him, and I've always admired their life together, never more than today, it's very clear what a great wife and supporter Ellie is and how lucky a man Mel is to have her. 

It was a good time to visit, without chemo this week, the Bully was in good shape relatively speaking. The next 2 weeks will be tough ones though with some doubled up treatments for radiation and another couple of chemo treatments (which he despises), but thankfully that should be it. With 22 treatments down and only 13 left Mel is well over halfway there and the prognosis still remains on the right side of  favorable. 

He's beat up for sure, very sore around the area of his neck and shoulder where the radiation treatments are given, still tied to a feeding tube (he calls it his chocolate milkshake machine), has difficulty talking and for the most part, is confined to the hospital.  Although he does make daily pilgrimages' to other parts of the complex when he feels up to it (I figure he's just casing the nurses).  He looks like a skinny cross between Jean Chretien and John Wayne, Chretien because his face is slightly drooped on the side he takes his radiation on and John Wayne because he's as tough as friggin nails and all the nurses have crushes on him. 

As we got up to leave the room, I told him and Ellie to have "as good a Christmas as they could under the circumstances" and they both remarked quickly that it really wasn't that bad of a place to spend Christmas. I got the sense in that instant that in some very curious way this may actually be their best Christmas together . I guess if you think of Christmas as a time to reflect and be thankful for what you have, I can understand why.
 
The last kicker, and it was a good one, came when we were walking out the door, I looked back to wave bye to the old 'curmudgeon' and for the first time in the 40 minute visit I saw them hanging there on his I.V. pole,....two friggin candy canes, one on either side of his chocolate milk shake bag,....yup, I thought to myself,  The Bully is going to be just fine.
Mel can be reached by email at melgm1@yahoo.com 

December 22, 2006

Well, the Canadian health care system as we know it has finally showed up, after 4 weeks of seamless treatment the Bully found himself in a bit of a rain delay.  A comedy of errors meant that some things that were scheduled to get done didn’t and a few other items unfortunately got pushed to the back burner.

For the most part it still proved to be another successful week, although the delays will likely mean some time tacked on to the end of what is already going to amount to about 6 weeks of in hospital care.  Thank goodness Mel is such a patient man and doesn’t get antsy when he is forced to sit around and wait.

Mel and Ellie’s Christmas tree in all likelihood will have to be decorated with surgical gloves, bed pans and cafeteria trays this year as they will be opening their presents with the doctors and nurses of the VG, it is my understanding that his treatments will continue right through the Holidays with hopes of finishing up sometime in the early part of January.

In golfing terms Mel is heading out onto the back nine and as per usual has a slight lead.  We are only a few more of his patented good bounces and a couple of those tricky down hill left to right putts he’s always making away from having him back home where he belongs.  

I’m off to Halifax myself this weekend so the next update will not likely be until the 27^th.  Have a great Christmas and take some time out to realize how fortunate we all are to have such a great  group of friends, the support from everyone has been overwhelming.

Thanks for all the well wishes, Mel can be reached by email at melgm1@yahoo.com

DECEMBER 19

In normal Bully fashion Mel has found a glitch in the system and managed to get out of his regular Tuesday Chemo treatment, as well, yesterday he tricked them up with his feeding tube and some other poor buggers liver transplant and got to skip his radiation.  As a result his usual end of week two day respite has turned into four and the change in his demeanor and his voice is obvious with the extra rest. 

He has been feeling good enough in the past few days to start up a raffle for the golfing nurses of his floor, currently getting product from Mr. Rowan to fill the coffers.  The lucky nurse will win the grand prize as a Christmas gift from the Bully.  I think they decided on six dozen golf balls, a Scotty Cameron putter and unlimited golf with Freddy.  (Mel was always a great one for encouraging women to play the game)

Freddy tells me that semblances of Mel’s past wit and ‘charm’ are starting to reappear in their limited phone conversations as he has started to refer to Freddy as the Bald #$%^  again, which oddly enough I think is a good thing. (kettles and pots)

The Chemo is the big kicker in the pants for Mel; it takes a lot out of him and makes for a long, sickly week normally.  The radiation on the other hand, although it affects the body adversely also, does not produce the same discomforting results.  In talking to Mel you get a real sense of just how dramatic an effect this whole treatment has had on him; it’s clearly obvious what a very, very difficult thing it is to go through.

In a nutshell everything would appear to still be going along as expected if not better. A few more weeks of hard work and then some well earned time to rest and recover.   Thanks to everyone for the time they have taken to send Mel a note or call myself or Freddy to inquire on his progress, it means a lot to us all, especially to Mel.

Mel can be reached by email at melgm1@yahoo.com

(some people have remarked that they are having difficulty e-mailing Mel, if this is the case please forward your messages to me at beaglecaptain@yahoo.com and I will see that he gets them)

DECEMBER 15-17, 2006
More good news today (Friday) for Mel.  Dr. Wilkie was in this afternoon to report on the effectiveness of the treatments, the shrinking of the tumors and Mel's general health and everything looks really encouraging, particularly the lessening size of the tumor(s).  
To say that we are all a little relieved is an understatement, particularly Mel and Ellie who have been working through this for the last 2 months, they deserve some good news and this has certainly given them a boost.
All of the kind words and emails are truly appreciated, keep them coming!  

I talked to Mel briefly this morning (Sunday) via email and he sounds cautiously optimistic about everything, however he knows he still has a very long, tough road ahead of him.  I'm guessing any celebrating on his part will be saved for the 19th hole of his first round of cancer free golf.  He asked me to let Hoofy know he's bumped into a friend of his from the University days a few times in the last couple of weeks, Diana Lotted, anyhow she say's hi to Hoofy and the rest of the senior beagles.

You can send Mel an email at melgm1@yahoo.com 

DECEMBER 14, 2006

Well, the Bully has found a way to get himself readmitted to the VG, where he will likely stay for the remainder of his treatments.  A weight loss of 25 lbs in two weeks, due mostly to the fact that it hurts to swallow and food does not taste like it used to has prompted the doctors to give him a room at the hospital where they can make sure he gets some proper nutrition. 

The good news is that the 2.5 weeks of treatments he has gone through have done a great job shrinking the tumor.  In Mel’s words “I can stand all of this nausea and pain knowing that these treatments are working.”

So it appears that it’s a win win situation, the Bully’s treatments are doing what they are suppose to and because he has been readmitted, the nurses of the VG get to see some more of his skinny bare bottom poking out of his hospital issued smock.  As the Bully would say "..all moons appear to be lining up nicely."

For anyone looking to send on words of encouragement you can email him at   melgm1@yahoo.com 

DECEMBER 11 2006

Well, the Bully is a couple of weeks into his treatments and the overwhelming support, questions and inquiries of his friends has prompted me to give a little update on his progress so that everyone can be informed about how he is doing, obviously when we get things second and third hand the information tends to become either diluted or exaggerated, hopefully this will help to eliminate the problem.  

Although I am trying not to call him very often, I do talk to Freddy Rowan frequently and Freddy is in contact with either Mel or Ellie practically on a daily basis, Fred and Eloise are both  doing a great job relaying info to all of Mel's friends and keeping everyone updated, so I am confident that what you are reading here is accurate.

For most of us we have no idea what Mel is going through, although we may have known someone who has undergone treatment for cancer most of us have not had to endure this experience ourselves.  To say that Mel is wiped out and exhausted would be an understatement, I talked to him briefly on Thursday the 7th and again today the 11th, and could immediately tell that he was not feeling well.  He is taking his treatments at the VG in Halifax and stays down there most of the time.  Aside from the normal effects of Chemo and Radiation treatments.  Mel also, because of the location of his tumor in the side of his neck, has lost his voice and the taste for  food. He also has a hard time swallowing what he is eating, and as a result has lost  some weight.  

His treatments run through the week, and he normally has his weekends to recover and rest, which by the time 4 or 5 days of chemo and radiation are over, he can really use.   He is able to leave the hospital after his treatments and is staying in a hotel in Halifax during the evenings, which is much better than being stuck in the hospital. It's looking like home for Christmas may not be in the cards but even if it is it will likely be used to re-energize.  

Mel has never told me that he finds it hard to talk on the phone or meet with visitors who come to see him, but I have the feeling that he finds it very tiresome.  Truthfully I think once he is home from Halifax in January, after his treatments are over, may be a better time for people to visit or call Mel.  In the meantime a quick note via email to him at melgm1@yahoo.com would certainly be welcome encouragement and also afford him the luxury of reading well wishes on his own time when he feels up to it.

The situation becomes real all to quickly when you talk to the Bully.  For now I think he needs the hopes and prayers of all his friends and some more of the good luck that he has become accustomed to over the years on the golf course (I've been on the wrong end of that to many times to mention).  The prognosis still looks great and the doctors are doing a wonderful job, I guess I just never thought it would be this hard, thankfully EJ has already proven that God is a beagle.